she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
