Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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