How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She told me I should be a condom model.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
