We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
