At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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