You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drake has all the answers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i out mim tonsoeep
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