had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
