That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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