Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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