I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
