I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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