What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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