WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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