Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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