Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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