he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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