Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come share oat with me in your robe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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