If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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