Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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