just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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