I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
