Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
