one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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