you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
