Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
