So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
