Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
