I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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