ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
