if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
