I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
