I'm so fucking centered right now
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
