Don't make out with my wife yet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
