I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
