I smell stomach acid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
