you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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