im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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