shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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