He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
