i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
