I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
