im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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