Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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