My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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