Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
