I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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