Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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