Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
