The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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