we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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