clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We have so much sex to catch up on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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