No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
