Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You took a bar mat shot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
