I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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