I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
