Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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