sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it hurts more in the daytime
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
FUCK WHALES
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