she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
