Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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