Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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