that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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