just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
